It's not easy being green

So...I am positive (and despite my sometimes – well often – dark writing I am actually genuinely usually quite upbeat.  But what I mean is I am positive for Lyme Disease). I also have some co-infections.  And just BTW this background choice was here long before I even thought I might have Lyme - subconscious instinct maybe?

Here's what I can tell you about Lyme so far, it's likely that the Babesia (a Lyme co-infection I have) is for me the more acute, more dominant infection and therefore I am displaying more obvious symptoms of that - namely increasingly bizarre neurological symptoms.

Let's start with the one I like to call the dramatic interpretation of the thesaurus. That is a combination of a few: weird dance style cheer leading moves, while repeating five alternate ways of saying something (because I can't find the exact word or phrase I want to use) interspersed with musical Tourettes and cheer freeze movements punctuated by clapping, smacking or stomping.

The catalogue of walks: the bless this wall walk, where I walk up the hallway facing the wall holding onto the new bar (imagine a ballet bar running the length of the hall) pressing my face against the wall every few shuffles, the crab walk, the grapevine, the ass first around corners manoeuvre, the squat walk, the shuffle, the child learning to walk walk, the drunk walk, the I have to turn three times at speed before I walk walk and the going down the stairs walk. Can you believe there is no moonwalk in that mix?

Then there is noddy: this is where I suddenly drop to the floor or lose consciousness mid speaking, showering, walking, sitting... just drop like a stone. The strange thing is though that I'm not fully unconscious it is more like I am frozen, but I am not conscious either as time is transient and I can't really tell how long has passed. 

And the Dick Van Dyke tribute: where I suddenly start talking with a weird version of an accent, whether it be Chinese or Italian or Kiwi. Then the related and usually simultaneous symptom of volume control... where I either am shouting words at random or suddenly whispering something while cupping my hands to my ears or forehead (apparently, because that's where I speak from).  Or the reverse it sounds like anyone speaking to me is not only speaking with an accent, but in another language and I simply cannot understand them.

Slow motion interpretive dance: this is a pretty frequent daily occurrence where my body moves of it's own accord.  Usually my neck and head, arms and torso doing free form interpretive dance or a series of moves - the salute where I repeatedly bang my head like I am emphatically saluting, the pick me manoeuvre where my left hand keeps shooting up in the air, the double pick me - where both hands go straight up, the bow down, the chin up head shake... there is too many to count. The tempo of this jig is dependent on what's causing it.  If it is just my usual brain farts, it's slow.  If it's in reaction to chemicals this turns into a high speed disco.

Language and singing portion of the show: where I have musical sound effect style Tourettes. I sing parts of sentences or make beat box musical noises – not well I might add. Or strangely I sing whatever I'm saying to the tune of a song or lullaby. Highly irritating. Oh and MA rated inappropriate Tourettes too. Which makes Ma highly uncomfortable cringey and full of shhhhhhhs. Unfortunately the more I try to suppress the urge to speak/yell/sing the worse it gets (plus a migraine)... so f$%k it, suck it, duck it.  

Oh and last but not least who can forget (mind the pun) the amnesia or dementia symptom: where I start calling my sister or mother or even my father – that girl... you know that, person that lady. I call Mum Marzi (my nickname) and cannot for the life of me remember the cats' names (Tobey & Cooper) so end up yelling out things like furry little people or pooper or Cobey or Tooper or f#$kingwhathisname. And the highlight is forgetting who I am, where I am and what's happening which seems to frequently result in me yelling, “what?” in people's face, “what's happening?” at the top of my lungs. “What am I doing?” “who?” “what?” The last time it happened quite dramatically I was (insert sarcastic context here) conveniently at the doctor's office. Where thankfully he didn't miss a beat in the face of my thunderous questioning of all these pressing theological matters. “what?” “what is HAPPENING?”

So Lyme is absolutely not my favourite colour. My school uniform was two shades of green... and I hated it then. Now I am stuck with Lyme. At least for now. In the meantime I will be performing daily. A Lyme variety show – 'It's not easy being green'. Come all takers.