To be sure, to be sure

You know I'm turning Japanese, I'm turning Japanese I really think so.... except I'm not. I'm turning Irish. Northern to be specific. Or at least I sound that way.

*Please see note at the bottom before playing these files

But the weirdest thing is. Besides being Australian. Is that it comes and goes. It's called transient Foreign Accent Syndrome. And it's been with me about a week. Even now in my head I sound Irish. I could type how I would speak, but it's strange because it's not how I speak. And it's this strange tug of war in my head. I imagine what it is to be bilingual and whether it's like that. Except of course they're both English languages. Still the idioms (I actually really want to write idiosms there but apparently that's the bastard love child of two words my brain mated – idioms and idiosyncrasy), the linguistics and the rhythms and patterns of speech are different.

So let's just try letting the Irish woman take over.

This mornin when I woke I had focking mad pain all over and me eyelids were so focking 'eavy that I could barely see out them. Then me Ma'am showered me – well she hosed me – an' I musta passed out at least seven times. It's not been a good'un. I have the sorest focking head and to make it all the better, me brain decided I was a bull and the wall was one of those nancy pants bull fighters with their stupid red hankies and I ran full speed at it so hard I think I came close to breaking my focking cheek bone. You can guess who won. Now me 'ead feels like it's wriggled loose off me neck like a bobble head. And me cheek feels like it's still focking corked. It hurts like a mother focker.

Alright I have to stop that now or I will more likely get stuck there and it's so painful for my mouth and jaw to make those noises and shapes so differently to my normal speech patterns (I actually have for the last few years had to speak out loud when I type or I forget what I am saying).

It's torture. And slightly scary. It was funny. But it's not funny any more. Because it's not budging. I can be talking normally and then I drift into this other accent and it gets thicker by the minute. And it sticks for hours. Plus there is no way in any version of reality I could actually do ANY accent with any proficiency without sounding ridiculous. But this is not just passable. It's proper. Except for one dent in the Northern Irish woman.... apparently I should say shite and I just say shit with the accent. Otherwise it's been pretty flawlessly Dubliner or Belfastian apparently, a friend of a friend from Northern Ireland said, and I quote, “Sounds more inner city Dublin or maybe country northern Ireland or even Belfast.”

I guess I'll just leave it at that. I haven't got any great insightful things to say about it. My brain is hurting so intensely just from the circus that it's already coping with. Like I wasn't a bloody weirdy weird pants enough, we had to add another symptom to the mix. And a rare one at that.

I do know one thing. From my brief time studying a creative writing degree before I pushed myself into this very relapse, I was told by several tutors and lecturers that I have a good ear for dialogue. I can easily imagine myself as a character and write in their voice. And I actually dream from all perspectives. I dream as various characters in my dreams through their eyes, man, woman, child.

But this is taking having a good ear to a whole different level. And frankly, despite my love of the Irish people, I would rather like to just be little ole' me.

By the way before I go, I can't leave this unsaid.  Me Ma just asked me if I was putting this on YouTube or booger.  You read that right.  Booger.  You wonder where I get my bloody weirdy weird pants from.

*Note: The audio files I've added are not PG. I swear. More than normal. Although if you haven't spoken to me you wouldn't necessarily know I swear like a sailor. I have temporal lobe damage and no filter. Add in that the Irish are free and expressive with their swear pants, well let's just say I would listen to it through ear phones if tiny humans are nearby.

Note 2: Please do not take the piss out of me. I can't take it right now. I do know most people find this hilarious. And I get it. It's funny. But you must understand it's also slightly terrifying for me. The suspected causes for this type of thing can be a stroke, lesions or tumours. That is obviously the worst of it, there's likely very benign reasons this happening also. But still. I'm too fragile for ribbing at the moment. Save up your witty one liners for when I am back to normal okay? Then we can enjoy them together.