♥ Love ♥

I have breathed out and released some of the bleakness that has completely overtaken my body in dark shadowy patches of intense sorrow and grief. So I am going to try to breathe in the light.

For there is so much beautiful, dazzling, uncovered treasure in my life. Despite all that ails me I have a network that stretches like a twinkling, glistening, barely visible spider web surrounding the world like a beautiful orb of criss crossing love. Perched upon it are not captured or wounded beings, but beloved connections who together knit the web and use it like a hammock to rest upon when their day gets too weary. We each rely on those connections, feeling the vibrations of love from across the globe even when we are unable to speak.

So to those who have woven the beautiful web which works as a safe place to rest my head and dream of swinging madly about in joyous tumbles, I thank you. To those who I have uncovered in the rubble and ruin of life, in the dark heavy sorrow, whose love has forged connections between me and other broken winged birds, some now angels, I adore you and whisper softly always to your faintly beating heart, “I love you, I love you, I love you”.

To my beloved healthy friends who share dazzling moments past with me, jewels in my memory that shine bright when they're tended to and polished up to focus into perfect clarity, I love you for standing by me, holding our shared jewelled memories like keepsakes, protecting them for me, keeping them in your hearts, ever present so you do not allow me to forget who I was and who I can be.

For my family, some of whom are not blood, but I have chosen to adopt in my closest network of glistening connections to share my resting space, you see both sides of me. You see my grace and strength and joy and you see the depths of my struggle and how I fight so very hard to hang on to my sanity, to war with the bugs that are forever inching closer to a coup in my brain. You keep me fighting, you fuel the fury that allows me to control the bugs and prevent them overtaking my very being. And most importantly, you love me despite the days in which I cannot summon grace, the days in which I lose the battle and the bugs take over, the days in which I am so deep in despair and desolation I drag you down. Your love is what love should be. The love of imperfect perfection, the love without conditions, the forgiving love, the understanding love, the momentarily angry but quickly forgiven love, the true and gritty messy love of truly seeing each other and accepting each other's faults love.  The real love, not the manufactured candy love we've been sold, the messy, ugly, gritty, beautifully tainted, imperfect, perfect love.

And lastly, to those of you who witness my suffering, who do not turn away, who stand by me quietly unwavering, it is you who inspires me. You who patiently waits for the moment when I can properly communicate, you who sees me despite my inability to fully fulfil myself, you who supports and loves me without conditions, you are all the best of me. All the loves of my lives.

Thank you for the love that fuels my fight.

NB please click on the image to be taken to the website of media artist who created this meme quoting Molly Friedenfeld.