Someone
took an ice cream scoop and scooped out all of me. Hollowed me out
and made me an empty, echoing, lonely space.
With
slight of hand while busy torturing me in new and ingenius ways,
upping the ante every single day I didn't notice the stitching. I
recognised how trapped I was feeling but I did not notice my loss of
movement.
The
further I crawled inwards away from the light, away from the pain,
away from the feelings of being less than, the faster they stitched.
So every time I wanted to peep out and try to reach for someone, I
would have to contort myself into painful positions just to squeeze
my way out of the opening.
Slowly
I was being cocooned in a huge sack of misery, hollowed out so my
soul clattered around sadly whispering for company in an empty
vessel. The hole has become so small no light or love gets in any
more.
I
wish I had known to bring matches or a torch. I can't see my hand in
front of my face at night, the gloom of pain is so murky and thick
like soup it fills the hollows and wisps out of the bag letting out
little puffs of sighs.
Alone
I am. No longer certain anyone can see me. I've been completely
stitched up. Trapped in a bag of misery. Sighs are my only breeze.
My soul has become embittered, too much time trapped alone has made
me grow prickles and that which is not hollowed has puddled into soft
gooey mess of over-sensitivity. All raw nerves, wrapped in a sack,
still through the hole comes the pain. With the covering stripped
off each nerve so that I am a huge network of beacons for the collective energy, it all brushes over my nerves and even thoughts
and whispers are torturous.
Life
devolved to a prickle, in a sad sack, sighing like the breeze. No
one will find me. Perhaps it's best I give in and stay in the dark.
But I would miss the world. So I will hibernate instead and hope to grow
new skin, cover my nerves and stop feeling everything. I
may love abundantly but I need to protect myself from absorbing the energy of those around me. Mine is
enough. So I will re-emerge in the spring a prickle-less bundle
of new born love and joy having shed all the sads and pain. Escaped
and reborn, tearing at the stitches of the darkened pocket where they
trapped me, emerging anew full of abundant light, joy and belief in the possibility of anything and everything.
