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Saturday, 11 June 2011


Hair glistens, golden, swinging near her hips when she walks.  Her blue eyes soften and warm often, her whole face crinkling in delight.

She is intense, passionate and equal parts emotionally intelligent and clumsy.  But that will change as she experiments with life and heart break, with loss and delight.  Her friendships are forged quickly, loyally, but when they end they end disastrously.

Over time she will come to understand who she is.  That her self righteousness can sound preachy and her passion can be misunderstood as obnoxiousness.  Her voice will quieten, for there is no need to be loud to be heard.  There is a power in the softness and vulnerability that is innate to her.  But she has sharp edges when they’re required.

She dreams big, but she’s so scared of failure; scared of imperfection and that it may leave her unloved.  That too will pass as loves are earned and lost and she realises the strength of her heart and its worth.

He is drawn to her.  Something about her is easy, comfortable, and accessible.  And yet she shines bright, playful and witty.  She can skip easily from banter with the boys, to soulful girl chats, or heated debates.  And she always listens to him, makes him feel as though he is interesting, worthwhile.  They develop an extraordinarily pure friendship, true in every sense of the word.  And then it is love.  He is a better man with her. 

They travel and live abroad, although it drives them apart.  They are too different to be lovers.  But they part amicably.  He stays in Europe and she chases her dream to New York.  Ultimately she comes to hate the pace of the city, it will scare her and she will crave the ease of home.  Brisbane will always be her home, safe and sweetly understated.

She meets her next love through a friend, at a barbeque.  There is such an ease that everything happens quickly.  They buy a cottage and she falls pregnant.  The first is lost, but she falls again almost immediately.  The loss makes her connection with the second so intrinsically linked to her heartbeat that it quickens painfully every time she thinks of her unborn daughter. 

Arianna Dale is born with a shock of white hair and blue eyes, perfect little plump lips, a promise and constant reminder of the beauty in life.   

But in moments when her heart swells as she looks upon that tiny person, and the world quiets, she will feel a shadow stalking her.  In another life things are darker.  And if she'd made the wrong choice somewhere, the smallest little inconsequential decision, things may have been drastically different.

In this universe though, life is radiant and sweet.  And even though there are moments of heartache, everything always feels as though it is how it should be.


  1. you are so very brave to go there - that counterpart, the other you which might have been. is it easy for you...a kind of lovely dream? i would personally find it very hard to dream of what might have been.
    you brilliant woman. the more i know of the workings of your mind the more i admire you. your straightforwardness is invigorating.

  2. I have no words, except that you are the most beautiful writer. I love you xox

  3. Lise thank you. It was easy at first until I got to the part that could have/would have been. That was harder. Thank you again for taking the time to read it. Big love to you xoxoxo

    Little Annie I love you too. Thank you, means a lot. xoxoxo

  4. your writing is always so graceful and from the heart that it is a joy to read, even when so tinged with sadness. this post made me think so much of an emerson quote:

    “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.”

    although we ache to 'travel the world over' and fulfill all those dreams that are out of reach right now (or to hold onto the things we have lost), ultimately the most important thing is what we live with every moment inside our souls. and you have something truly beautiful there that you carry with you and radiate to those around you. that is something that can never be taken.

    much love and thankyou so much for sharing your journey.

  5. Oh sweet Kae, that's a beautiful response, so lyrical. I love that quote. Consider it stolen. Big love to you xoxo

  6. How wonderful is Amara, as she is.


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